New Year, New Me

I have, like most people, come up with a list of 'resolutions' for the new year. This is something that I do most every year and usually do not follow through on. This year is different though, period. Those who know me well know that I have struggled with being overweight for a very long time. You've watched me slowly grow and move up in clothing size, watched my limbs get wobblier and my middle get rounder. You've watched me lose 50lb on Weight Watchers and cheered me on, complimented me on my newer stylish clothes, watched me have 2 beautiful children and struggle struggle struggle to get the weight off. I hardly gain even 20lb while pregnant but seem to put the weight on AFTER the baby has arrived....stupid.

January 9th I am returning to Weight Watchers. I feel like stating the obvious, not being negative just being honest with myself....I am fat. I am very overweight and not very healthy. I have been on medication for high blood pressure for almost 10 years and I would love to not have to be anymore. I can't see my toes, let alone touch them. I am uncomfortable in my body and I've had enough. The list of things I want to do is limitless. I want to be able to carry my kids for a long time without being uncomfortable. I want to stand outside in the summer without being soaked from sweat. I want to sit on the floor to play with Luca without the urge to undo my pants button to be more comfortable! Mostly, if we have more kids I want to have an uneventful pregnancy, no blood pressure problems, no need for meds, no extra join and ligament pains from the 150 extra pounds I'm carrying. It is horribly embarrasing to admit to myself, let alone to anyone else, what my weight is but I need to be accountable. I want to shout from the rooftops when I drop 10, 20, 30+ lbs and be able to celebrate with my friends and family each of those little accomlishments that really, in the long run, aren't little at all. I will lose weight!!!

Other goals for the year:

1. declutter our house and organize. My goal is to donate at least one small bag or box to the Kidney Foundation each month when they stop in our neighborhood. I did this last year for a time and it felt amazing to see the crap go. I also want to organize our small finished basement so we can use one corner for storage and the rest can be used for the kids playroom. It would be so great to get the toys out of our living room and actually be able to move through it.
2. be more patient. This applies to my husband and my kids. I find that my temper has grown much shorter since Stella came along, and its not an attractive side of myself. I don't blame her, she's just a little miss, but things have gotten much more....stressful. It hasn't been an easy 8 months, things are getting a lot easier now that she's able to sit up and feed herself, she is just a very determined and stubborn little lady!!! I will take deep breaths before I speak and follow through more on time outs.
3. I will make sure that Steve and I each have individual 'me time'. We have only had a handful of nights out, together or seperate, since Luca was born and its really starting to wear on us.

I know there are more things that I want to accomplish this year, but that is a pretty good start for now. I will end with this, a current picture of myself. I am very eager for this picture to change and shrink over the next few months. I will be taking a picture for every 10lb so all my friends and family can follow along and watch my success!!!